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August Twenty-Seventh.

 
Colored scents that fill the air as drowsy insects hum around in the
meadow is the place of secret magic where nature alone renews itself.
- Kate Bergquist
 

 
Ahh, four days of summer left. It's been a fun ride. Mostly ups and a few downs. But a bump on the road never hurt a bit. Saying goodbye to summer and hello to school again. I must admit, I haven't seen a full week of sunny skies all summer. It's been sunny the past few days, but it never really lasts. With Michael again, thank God. I'm sure as heck that I would be absolutely incomplete without his love. I guess what I thought was best for us, was only gonna tear us apart. But right now, all that matters is that we're together. We're here for each other and nothing will break that apart. &; By the way, this saturday is our 5 months. It's unbelievable, yet amazing<3 All summer, I only read 1 of my 3 summer books. That goes to show how excited I am for school, right? Not really. I surely can't wait to go back though. But not really all excited about the fact I have no classes with Michael. It's horrible. Hopefully this Saturday, I can have an end of Summer sleepover? I'm kind of excited, but I really hope to see my boyfriend. And if I don't, I will undoubtedly have a miserable sleepover. But all in all, this summer was a really fun one. I didn't really see alot of people, but I'll start seeing them again in school I guess. And my family; Well, they're doing exceptionally well. I really hope it stays that way, no more arguments. And not just with my family, but rather will all the people I care for. I don't know what the future has in store for me, but I want some surprises. My life is getting pretty dull right now.

Arrivaderci :]
 

August Thirteenth.




Since I met you, I knew we were meant to be. Every time I see you,
all these feelings run inside me. When I look at you, my heart
starts to race. You're something I wish I could have.
Something too good to be true. I love you.

 

My life is officially over. People always say, "When you're young, you think everything is the end of the world." But believe it or not, today is the beginning of the end of my world. Everything that was anything to me just walked out of my life. And it's all my fault. Just as I thought things were finally beginning to look better, it all turned into dark gray skies. After all this time, I just let myself throw away something I will never have again for the rest of my life. I want him to be happy, but I know I'm never gonna be able to make him happy. It isn't easy, but it's what's best for both of us. I guess. 
_

School's coming in nearly 3 weeks. I didn't read my books. Well, I read one of them but I had 2 chapters left. I don't really intend on reading any more than that. But I'm pushing myself to do well this year. I have to get good grades, or I'll be mad at myself. This rain is so aggrivating. There hasn't been one full week of sunshine all summer. If there's no snow during winter because of this, I'm gonna be the angriest person alive. I have no clue what I'm doing this week. I feel the need to stay home though, no need to explain. I'm actually getting used to this whole babysitting thing. And plus, there's only a few weeks left. So I might as well be miserable now, than wait til I actually go back. I'm kinda scared to go back though and I have no clue why. I'm in all these random classes and I have so many studies. I'm wondering if I have classes with anyone. I just have to wait and see then, I guess. I watched Perfect Getaway, and it wasn't that bad. It was kinda unexpected, but I liked it. Hopefully I can go see Band Slam with people this weekend? If my parents don't make me stay home. It doesn't matter though, I guess I could care less about that now. At the moment though, I hate my life. I hate myself. I hate the fact that I'm such a screw up. But since I've been through all of this before, I'm gonna have to pull myself together. I want what's best for him. And if it means being apart, then I'm willing to do it. I just wish he'd understand where I'm coming from. I just can't stand hurting him, yet I don't wanna see him with anyone else. I don't know how I let myself let him go. This is all stabbing me right in the heart. I can't do anything about it. We're happier this way, or at least he will be.
 

Bye.

July Twenty - Nineth.


If I had to choose between loving you and breathing;
I would use my last breath to say I LOVE YOU.
 
Today's four months <3 One step closer to forever. I'm having a small house party tonight with family friends & Michael. Summer's finally beginning to get better for me. Of course, it's when the end of summer starts getting closer. It's already the end of July. Shoot me, if you will. I'll just spend all the time in happiness, nothing gets better than this. Although, I can do without the rain. I need more sun to have some real fun. I have 2 more books to read for school. Ugh. I can't believe I actually got through one. My stomach kinda hurts. I'm trying to think of what to say and my head's empty. So, I'm gonna go help set up for tonight. Hopefully, I'll blog more sometime soon ! 
Goodbye my secret lover (:
 

July Twenty-Third.


"The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart,
the less capable you are of loving in the present."
- Barbara De Angelis

 

Here we go again. Parents are so overly lame. If their reason for existance was to make life easier for us youths, then my parents completely failed that. They do the exact opposite of what I want. It's so frustrating ! I just wish they would understand, but all they ever care about is work & complain about how stressed they are. If they're so stressed, then why do they work so much? They put it all on themselves. I mean, I realize they do it for what's best for the family; but they don't even spend time with us. So, they might as well let us get out than sit here at home every day. They don't realize what we have to go through half the time. It's like going through hell & back everyday. And it's not even that, but they don't appreciate it. I'm so sick of carrying out all their burdens and not getting one "Thank You." I mean, how horrible can they get? I never see Michael or any of my friends. This summer is not even worth it. I'd honestly rather be in school studying than being in this hellhole right now. I have nobody to talk to, cause nobody's free because they're all doing something right now. And you know what? My parents could care less. They're so wonderful. I can't get over it.

Whatever. I'm gonna go drown myself in misery. I can't deal with this. It's already gray and gloomy outside and all the crap I have to go through just adds more to it. I wish I was somebody else right now. I'd kill just to have a new life, I promise you that. Right here, right now.

 
Bye.

July Twenty-First.

"God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from
himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing."
- C.S. Lewis
 
 
Well, here I am again ... Blogging, babysitting, but most of all - sitting at home with absolutely nothing to do. This summer has reached a point of boredom & it's not going any farther than where it is. I don't have much on my mind today. Been watching gossip girl lately, the usual. Went to see Harry Potter with Michael & a few others on Sunday. People were throwing starbursts at me & Michael. Ugh, talk about ruining our moment. But whatever, I get over it. I think I might actually be hanging out with him all weekend. I'm hoping that all turns out well. And I was gonna take him to the lake, but I guess that's not gonna happen. It really stinks. We're going strong though, so we'll get through the hardest of times. That's a promise. My parents get worse and worse everyday. Sometimes, I just want to runaway. If there was any way, I'd get as far from here as possible. I'm done with all the hell they've put me through. I just can't handle it any longer. They need to realize that they're not perfect and nobody in the world is, so they need to stop thinking like that. School just seems less of a burden each day. I can't say I'm excited to go back, but realizing I'll have more to do makes me so anxious. Education is coming back in a month, what a scary thought. I really oughta start reading those books & get my head together. I plan on making it a good year for my brain, and myself. I can't handle anymore pressure being put on me about not getting what I want just because of bad grades. So, I might as well do the best  I can. I dunno what to do tonight, besides sit here in emptiness really. Life couldn't get any better. I guess I should go entertain myself with something, I'm not really all up to type today. Shocking, right? I know. Hard to believe. But I'm bored so I'm gonna go. 
Ta-ta! :D

July Sixteenth.


"Storm clouds may gather and stars may
collide, but I love you, until the end of time."
-Mouline Rouge

 
As usual, my day couldn't get any brighter. That's a fib. Today was alright, I guess. Stayed home, babysat, texted Michael; Nothing new, nothing old. Maybe hanging out with people tomorrow? I don't know, let's hope so. Not to be envious or anything, but I hate the fact that my brother doesn't do anything around the house yet he's aloud to hang out everyday. I feel as if he gets rewarded for nothing and I get punished for everything. Wow, seems like my life just turned upside down. Who wouldn't wanna live in my shoes, right? EVERYBODY. I feel as if my parents expect everything but nothing from me. They want me to be doing housework and I do. But once I wanna live my life, it's just a nono. Prove me wrong if you want, but you won't succeed. I'd kill to be a homeless person living on the streets right now. But, whatever I have to deal. Nothing will ever change. To be honest, I kinda miss going to school. The education doesn't seem as bad as this right now. Well, this is what I get for being a loner. Don't I? I feel so anti-social. I mean, I don't plan on climbing any social ladders, but I still wanna see the world every now and then. Tell that to my parents, but if it were up to me - they'd be my punishers. They do nothing but make me depressed. I keep that to myself, since I'll get even more of a punishment if that ever got out of my body. Believe it or not, the weather actually was good today. Well, most of it at least. It was sunny & hot 3/4 of the day. Then it started lightning and thundering. Well, that's global warming for all you people. Be aware of it. Now that I think about it, I really wanna be an environmentalist. But in my parent's eyes, you get nowhere in life with an aspiration like that. It could be a second job for me or something. I'm interested in pediatrics, and apparently, so are my parents. So I may end up doing that. For now, my future's left untold. In the hands of time. Whatever happens next, only time will tell. I guess that's how I'm gonna think for the rest of my life. Surprises would be nice right now, and dull moments are least expected.


Arrivaderci ! 

July Fourteenth.



" So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable,
and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable."
-Christopher Reeve

Well, I'm not gonna say I'm in a bad mood. But it's also appropriate to say that I've been better. I've looked at life in more optimistic ways on many other days but today. Or maybe, this week. I sure as heck can not wait for this week to be over. I've been watching GossipGirl, and I can admit to having an addiction. It's for sure I may need rehab for it. I've watched the whole season 1 in the past two days. It's irresistable, I'm sure anyone can agree. It's a bit interesting, how such high society people can cause so much drama in one lifetime. Gee, sometimes it's not so bad to be thankful about being me. That may sound conceited, but it fits. Michael went to a concert today, I trust him. I'm hoping he has a grand time, without any unnecessary* situations to happen. He's a wonderful boy, I'm sure he'll succeed. Knowing him, it's impossible for him to make a mistake. He really isn't so far from perfection. Truth be told, he's made some changes in my life and he's the most important thing to my life right now. No matter what happens, he always will be. And to anyone who doesn't believe in love at first sight, I beg to differ. I may just be the right person to prove anyone wrong on that one. I'm hoping to get out of this house sometime soon. The walls are closing in on me and it's gonna suffocate me. Ugh. Help, somebody? It's an SOS, seriously. I don't recall ever being so pessimistic on life. I guess now's the time for that. This summer's gone fast, but it's been boring. Usually, I could disagree but I really can't. Where's the livin easy? Where's all the hot weather? Where is SUMMER? Life works in mysterious ways, that's for sure. As usual, I babysat AAAAALLLLLLLLLLL day long. And trust me, not any amount of blogging can ever describe the hell I go through. Oh well, it's not like there's anything better to do. Considering the fact that I'm stuck here. I had to point that out. Again, for like what - the umpteenth time? That's a fact. Well, I'm gonna go watch some more GG. It's the only way I can get away from my living nightmare.
 
Pip-Pip Cheerio ! (:

July Twelfth.

 

" If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten
that we belong to each other." - Mother Teresa

I honestly don't know of one time that I've ever done anything right to my parents. They aggrivate me. I struggle taking care of their children and doing my chores every week, and I don't even get a thank you. Instead, they yell at me for spending a day with my boyfriend - who, by the way, I haven't seen in a week. They don't ever understand anything I do. I don't even ask them for anything and they never give me the chance to live my own life. It just aggrivates me. My mom, she wants me to live her life when she was my age. This isn't the 1900's, we're living in a new generation. I'm not saying I'm against her, but what gives? She should at least trust me. It's not like I'm gonna go out there and just take my clothes off in front of him. He's not shallow and she just needs to cool herself off. And my dad, he just agrees with what she says. So, in the end, the whole world is against me. Like I'm always the bad person and everyone else is just my victims. It's so aggrivating. And the best is, they torture me for it. If I had to spend the rest of my life in this craphole, I'd kill myself.

On the bright side, I got to see Michael today. It's gonna be the highlight of the rest of this week, that's for sure. Considering all the hell I have to go through, being stuck inside the walls of this living nightmare. Really, I honestly have no idea what I did to deserve any of this. I hardly get to see him and once I do, the happiness doesn't last. I'm just glad he understands everything I have to go through. Of all the people I could talk to, he's always first on my list. And if anyone was to admit to feeling what it's like to be in love with the perfect person, I'm sure as heck that's going to be me. I just wanna scream right now. There should really be a building for angry people to just scream. Maybe, all the anger wouldn't spread so easily. And maybe there'd be more happiness in this world. Yeah, so much for dreams coming true. I hope I go to the beach or somewhere soon. I just wanna be FREE. Hilarious, right? Like that's ever gonna happen. Maybe when all the flies are dead and the last breath was already breathed. I'm really looking forward to being an adult now. It seems like that's less the stress than I already have now. I'd rather be mounted with bills than be yelled at for doing nothing. That's a promise. I don't even know if there's anything exciting going on in my life this week. I don't like surprises, but I sure can use some this week. Weeks are passing and summer's going, pretty soon school's back in. Ew, the thought just makes my brain wanna barf. I have to start reading those summer books again. There's a 0 in a million chance I won't procastinate. I guess we'll just have to see how that turns out. I seem to write alot when I'm angry. That's awkward. I guess this is my way of getting anger out. Or at least one of my ways. Sooner or later, I'm gonna end up calling my boyfriend - complaining. Maybe he'll make me happy even before that happens. I wouldn't know, he's full of surprises. And I love him for that, among the millions of reasons I love him for. I already miss him. Hm, well that sure won't make any of this better. Whatever, goodbye.

UGH. THIS IS SO AGGRIVATING.



"Anybody can become angry, that is easy; but to be angry
with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right
time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way, that
is not within everybody's power, that is not easy."
 

I'm so angry right now. I don't even know anymore, I just want to kill myself. Seriously. My mom just makes me so angry. What gives her the reason to go out at 9 oclock at night. I have the right to be upset. I don't understand why she can't take care of the baby. It's hers. I spend the whole day taking care of her and she still manages to leave it all to me for the rest of the night. And I don't even get one thank you? What the hell does she expect from me? To be a happy little perfect daughter who never goes out because all she's aloud to do is stay home and watch her stupid sister. How am I supposed to experience the world when I'm left home. I haven't seen my boyfriend in 2 weeks. I haven't seen any of my friends in so long. I sure as heck have the right to be angry more than she does. I don't wanna deal with this anymore. I already don't get any appreciation for the time I waste taking care of the kids, but now I have to be yelled at for being tired? WHAT CAN I EVER DO RIGHT? I'm just the flawed stupid little brat, aren't I? I have to be the bad person in the huge mess. Just kill me now, I beg you.

July Eighth.

 

"I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth,
one touch of her hand, than eternity without it."
--City of Angels

Back from vacation, already. It's like it was all over in a blink of an eye. I guess I enjoyed most of it while it lasted. As expected, there were huge bumps along the way. I don't get it. If a vacation was invented for a time of relaxation, then my parents must not fully understand it. They argued as if they were stressed the whole time. But really, they didn't even notice that it was the an argument on reasons so useless. I get used to all of it, now that I've grown to understand. I'm always gonna have to deal with it, as long as I'm alive. Sometimes, I can't help to be thankful that I'm not an adult right now. I don't thing I can handle it, just not after what I've seen through my parents. The sun's finally starting to come out and a little more of the summer air is flowing right on by. Time's passed and I still haven't seen Michael. As soon as I get home, he goes on his little vacation. I can't control it, considering it's family matters first. But I just wish they'd have gone a little later than now. I can hardly breathe without seeing him. I really hate all the consequences and all the weight I have to pull with being in love. I'm lucky though, since there's hardly any chances of having something like this in a million years. And it may well be the only perfect relationship I'll have for the rest of this lifetime. Then again, there's so much time left for me to spend. As of now, life just couldn't get any better for me. I have to babysit til Friday, and there's always joy that comes with that. Maybe by then, I'll be able to spend some fun time with my friends. That is, if any of them are home. Hopefully, I can see my bestfriend who I haven't seen in forever. And when I say that, I mean it literally. I haven't seen her since a week before my birthday, which is nearly two months ago. It's crazy how time just keeps going and going right in front of our eyes. It's like there's no stopping any of it just to make one good memory. But I have, unbelievably. I've made many and I plan to make more the next few years of my exciting life. I may be going to a few more places just before the summer goes away. So, I guess I'm a little bit anxious for that. Well, I'm gonna get off this before I rant on some more. I'll be writing again soon, that's for sure. Tata ! (: